Confessed everything.

All my infedelity.
I know i've hurt him.

The most painful, fastest and surest way to move on.

I'm cruel.
But i'm not letting this go on.

You need to find yourself back.
I need to get my life back.

I cheated on him.
Only 2 weeks ago, when we're totally through.

Only after, then i realised I'm still thinking of him.

But.

I still did return back to who I was before.

I lied.
I cheated.

I'm sorry.

I might be a slut in your eyes, but it's what I chose to allow myself to let go.
By making you hate me.
Only then, will I leave.
And we'll be through.

The sex with the other him was horrible.
Worse in my life.

Because, in my mind, everything was only you.

A closed chapter of our life.

-END-

I'm glad I've taken this step.
The step to move on with my life.

Without you.

I'm not regretting.
I'm not enjoying.

I'm smiling, for myself.
I'm smiling just as how I was smiling when I was with you.
There's one difference.

Now, I'm no longer crying.

It's easy to say I've moved on.
It's easier to say I'm happier without you.
It's worse when you have to really feel it.

I want to hear your voice.
I want to feel your arms around me.
All over again.
I want to start all over again.
Then, we could undo all of our mistakes.

But it's never going to happen.
I never want it to happen.

I love the memories.

I've learnt.
I've grown.
I've experienced.

Now, I know giving in's not the key.
It's compromising.
It's believing.
It's about trusting your other half.
I don't believe we could ever work this out.

Everytime my mind side tracks to memories of you.
All that I felt is disgust.

Disgust at myself.
What was I doing?!

Giving in to your smoking.
Giving in to your lies.
Giving in to values I'd never believe myself.

And, I believed we could work out.
Somehow.

Like how everything in my life seems to.
Except you.

I made my mind that night.
I gave myself chances, days of turning back.
Yet I didn't.

I went ahead.
I went on a date.

It meant alot.
To me.

Throughout this past one year.

You're the only man I've locked eyes with.
Lost in that little world of ours.
You're the only man I've held hands with.
Believing that you'll forever protect me.
You'll the only man I've kissed.
Trusting in us overcoming anything and everything.
You're the only man I've allowed near me.
Trusting.

But now, it's all over.

It's all in the past.

I'm not shy to admit.
I, too, once really loved you.
I, too, once cried daily because of you.
I, too, once did everything with thoughts of you.
I, too, once gave you my everything.
I, too, once trusted you.

I've learnt.

Through all your lies.
Through all my tears.
Through all our quarrels.

It was painful.
And I never want to feel like that ever again.

Feeling as though I'm not important.
Feeling as though my presence does not matter.
Feeling as though I'm the only one trying.
Feeling as though...

As though, I'm not in your life.

Maybe it's the difference in priorities.
Maybe it's the difference in personalities.
Maybe.

It's just us.

I've had my closure.
I hope you did too.

During the course of this few months, we tried.
During which, i realised.
We're not working out.

You once mentioned, you weren't happy.
Weren't happy with me feeling happy.

I tried to change.
Dropped my expectations.
Dropped everything I've ever believed in.

Then I asked you again, are you happy?

You smiled.
Look at me in the eyes.
Bent down and kissed me.
Yes, you whispered.

My heart broke.
My tears flowed.

Now I know, how much I am worth.

Then came the closure.
I tried to work a compromise.
Everything went downhill, again.

I realised then.

We're just not meant to be.

I hope you'll see this.
I hope you'll move on.
I hope you'll never forget the memories we once shared.

I hope you'll never forget, you're the only person I've ever truly cared for.

And you're the only person who've hurt me the deepest.

We're not made up of memories.

I've moved on.
And i'm happy.

Smiling despite losing you.
For now i know, losing you's nothing compared to having you.
You were never around.

I don't feel weird when i have to sleep with nobody to talk to on the phone.
Cause you never bothered.
I don't feel weird when i don't have somebody to tell my feelings to.
Cause you never wanted to know.

I feel weird when i recieve at least 2 good morning/night msgs.
Cause i know you never did.
I feel weird when my sms-es are always replied.
Cause i know you don't.
I feel weird when everybody around me seem to be interested in my day.
Cause you never were.
I feel weird when people make a fool of themselves just to see me smile.
Cause you never did.
I feel weird when my laughter's the only thing that mattered to them.
Cause to you, it never was.
I feel weird when i feel like i'm loved, pampered and cared for.
Cause you never did.

Now i smile more.
I sleep with a smile on my face.
I wake up with a smile on my face.
I go through my day with a smile on my face.

I don't feel unhappy when my phonecalls are not answered.
Cause now they all are.
I don't feel unhappy when my smses aren't replied.
Cause now they all are.
I don't feel unhappy when i know what's on the other end on a phonecall is only quarrels.
Cause now they all aren't.

What's to feel unhappy about?!

I'm free, because i let it go.
I'm happy, like how i was before when i let go.
I don't want to go through everything again.
I don't want to see you again.
You're not even my friend.
Cause friends don't lie to one another.

I respect only those who deserve it.
(: